IS YOUR RELATIONSIP 'GOOD ENOUGH"?"?

In this recent article,  Dr. Pauline Boss describes an alternative to ending a relationship because it’s not everything we wish for.  She describes this as making a "conscious choice".  In all intimate relationships, there  will be aspects of the other partner than are less than stellar.  Yet, with the knowledge that no one is perfect and in the hope that  one's marriage vows have some lasting meaning, the thing to do is to give careful consideration to the perceived failings of your partner and decide if, in fact, he or she is 'good enough".  If so, perhaps acceptance rather than divorce is your answer.  If he or she is not "good enough" then plan your separation and divorce with the help of trained professionals.  Just know, you do have a choice. 

A Simple Communications Model to Use

Cathy Heenan, Ed.D. recently posted an article in her blog that introduces a model you can use with your spouse when emotions are running high and you need to be able to solve a dispute.

Here's what you need to do:

• If you can agree with what is being said, simply say..."I agree."
• If you agree with part of what is being said, begin with, "I agree with [the part you in fact agree with].  I do have trouble with [the part you don't agree with]."

Try out this model and see if it helps you to reach some agreement at a time when it is so important to do so.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - A Persisitent Threat to Women in the USA

 In a recent New York Times OP-ED Nicholas Kristof informs us that in the United States, domestic violence claims the life of an American Woman every six hours and strikes 25% of all American women in their lifetimes.  Such shocking statistics clearly demonstrate that this is a huge problem which deserves very serious attention. 

Mr. Kristof identifies 3 steps that are needed to fight this plague:
First, we must end the silence. victims must be encouraged to report violent episodes and then given support once they have done so.
Second, we must ensure the law enforcement takes the issue seriously before a victim becomes a corpse.
Third, offenders should be required to attend mandated classes designed to enable the offender to confront his behavior with brutal honesty and in doing do, to learn how to moderate his expectations and beliefs so that he can become a recovering abuser.

In Durham County, victims of domestic violence are encouraged to contact the Durham Crisis Response Center as follows:

crisisline@durhamcrisisresponse.org

(919) 403-6562 (English)
(919) 519-3735 (Española)

In Orange County, victims of domestic violence are encouraged to contact the Compass Center as follows:

www.compassctr.org

(919) 929-7122

In Wake County, victims of domestic violence are encouraged to contact InterAct of Wake County as follows:

www.interactofwake.org

(919) 828-7740 or toll free (866) 291-0855

What is the role of the custody evaluator?

I just finished reading an excellent article  by Gary Direnfield, MSW, RSW entitled Unraveling Custody/Access Assessments/Evaluations.  In this article Gary provides his reader with a succinct explanation of the role and responsibility of the evaluator as well as explaining when and how custody evaluations come about.  The important take away is that parental action or sometimes, inaction lies at the base of the need to call in a custody evaluator and that always it is best for parents to come to their own parenting decisions rather than place the burden on the Court.  Further, the evaluator is not the decision-maker, that is the role for the judge.  Instead, the role of the evaluator is to gather facts and then make recommendations to the court regarding the parents' relative parenting strengths and weaknesses in light of the specific emotional, developmental and other such needs of their children.

Happy New Year!

2013 was not a blogging year for me.  2014 will be different as I set the intention to post a new article at least once per month.  If there are topics you would like for me to address please send your suggestions to me at mnm@milamidol.com with the Subject Line: Blog suggestions.

Happy Father's Day

In an article in the June 14, 2012 New York Times, Dominick Zarrillo's column about himself and his son epitomizes the essence of a father's love for his son.  I hope you will read the articel and be inspired just as i was.

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads and the Dad-to-Be!

401(k)s and Divorce

Here is a link to a recent articlein the Wall Street Journal concerning dividing 401(k) accounts incident to divorce. 

Lessen Your Risk of Sexual Assault

NursingDegree.com has posted a new article entitled "20 Ways to Lessen Your Risk of Sexual Assault." Read the 20 tips here

Wiretapping Teddy Bear Leads to Large Fines

In this age of tiny digital audio recording devices, some parents embroiled in a child custody dispute may be tempted to conceal such a recorder in their child's beloved teddy bear in an attempt to acquire evidence that the other parent is misbehaving. However, such a plan may prove disastrous.

Healing A Wounded Credit Score

Many of us have less than perfect credit scores. If you are interested in improving yours, you might find this recent article by Tara Siegel Bernard in the New York Times to be of interest.

Study Says Fighting Style Predictive of Divorce

The manner of fighting that a married couple employs may predict whether the couple will eventually divorce. Read more about this here

Does your child hate to do her homework?

If your daughter is balking at doing her homework, perhaps this article will help.

Parent One, Parent Two

In this article from The Washington Post , we learn that the State Department has decided to make U.S. passport application forms "gender neutral" by removing references to mother and father, officials said, in favor of language that refers to parents as "Parent one" and Parent Two" instead.

What Makes a Happy Marriage?

Read this interesting article from the New York Times if you want to gain some insight on how to have a sustainable marriage.

Marriage and the Green Card

Investigating marriage fraud is the topic of this recent article from the New York Times. Apparently it is not so easy to obtain a Green Card.

The Health Hazards of Marriage

This recent article from CNN sheds some light on the potential health effects of married life and spousal interactions.

Patients' Rights Get A Boost

On April 15, 2010 the rights of hospital patients to have their wishes respected concerning who may visit them or make medical decisions on their behalf got a boost from President Obama by way of a Presidential Memorandum for the Secretary of the US Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). While the memo will be of assistance to all persons, it will be especially helpful to LGBT patients and their families.

The memo directs the Secretary of HHS to promulgate rules for all hospital that receive federal funding as follows:

1. Develop visitation policies that will ensure that "...individuals designated by a legally valid advance directive (such as durable powers of attorney and health care proxies) should enjoy visitation privileges that are no more restrictive than those that immediate family members enjoy". and that participating hospitals may not deny visitation privileges on the basis of race, color, national origin, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability of the visitor.
2. Guarantee that all patients' advanced directives are respected and that patients' representatives otherwise have the right to make informed decisions.
3. Provide additional recommendations to the President within 180 days of the date of the memo, on action s HHS can take to address hospital visitation, medical decision-making, or other health care issues that affect LGBT patients and their families.

North Carolina has already taken steps in this direction and its Patients' Bill of Rights gives each patient "the right to designate visitors who shall receive the same visitation privileges as the patient's immediate family members, regardless of whether the visitors are legally related to the patient".

International Travel With Your Child - What You Need To Know

If you are planning a trip abroad with your child anytime soon, this recent article from the New York Times will surely be of interest to you.

Filing Facts for the Recently Married or Divorced Taxpayer

If you recently got married or divorced, here are some tips from the IRS you should consider:

1. If you took your spouse's last name or if both you and your spouse hyphenated your last names when you got married, be sure to notify the Social Security Administration (SSA) of the name change well in advance of filing your income tax return. Otherwise, the IRS computers will not be able to match your new name(s) to your Social Security Number(s) when you file your return.

2. If were recently divorced and changed back to your previous last name, you also need to notify the SSA well in advance of filing your income tax return.

3. It is very easy to inform the SSA of your name change, you just need to file a Form SS-5, Application for a Social Security Card at your local SSA office. It ususally takes approximatley 2 weeks for the change to be virified by the SSA.

4. Form SS-5 is available on the SSA website at http://www.socialsecurity.gov/, by calling the SSA at 1-800-772-1213, or you can obtain Form SS-5 at your local SSA office.

International Custody Dispute Between Nebraska and Canada

It seems that with increasing frequency I read stories in the news about parents embroiled in custody disputes that are international in scope. If you are interested in this topic, you will find a recent story from Nebraska to be of interest. Click here to read the story from Omaha, NE.