Thursday, August 21, 2014


In this recent article Dr. Pauline Boss describes an alternative to ending a relationship because it’s not everything we wish for.  She describes this as making a "conscious choice".  In all intimate relationships, there  will be aspects of the other partner than are less than stellar.  Yet, with the knowledge that no one is perfect and in the hope that  one's marriage vows have some lasting meaning, the thing to do is to give careful consideration to the perceived failings of your partner and decide if, in fact, he or she is 'good enough".  If so, perhaps acceptance rather than divorce is your answer.  If he or she is not "good enough" then plan your separation and divorce with the help of trained professionals.  Just know, you do have a choice. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

A Simple Communications Model to Use

Cathy Heenan, Ed.D. recently posted an article in her blog that introduces a model you can use with your spouse when emotions are running high and you need to be able to solve a dispute.

Here's what you need to do:
  • If you can agree with what is being said, simply say..."I agree."
  • If you agree with part of what is being said, begin with, "I agree with [the part you in fact agree with].  I do have trouble with [the part you don't agree with]."
Try out this model and see if it helps you to reach some agreement at a time when it is so important to do so.

Monday, March 24, 2014

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE - A Persisitent Threat to Women in the USA

 In a recent New York Times OP-ED Nicholas Kristof informs us that in the United States, domestic violence claims the life of an American Woman every six hours and strikes 25% of all American women in their lifetimes.  Such shocking statistics clearly demonstrate that this is a huge problem which deserves very serious attention. 

Mr. Kristof identifies 3 steps that are needed to fight this plague:
First, we must end the silence. victims must be encouraged to report violent episodes and then given support once they have done so.
Second, we must ensure the law enforcement takes the issue seriously before a victim becomes a corpse.
Third, offenders should be required to attend mandated classes designed to enable the offender to confront his behavior with brutal honesty and in doing do, to learn how to moderate his expectations and beliefs so that he can become a recovering abuser.

In Durham County, victims of domestic violence are encouraged to contact the Durham Crisis Response Center as follows:

(919) 403-6562 (English)
(919) 519-3735 (EspaƱola)

In Orange County, victims of domestic violence are encouraged to contact the Compass Center as follows:

(919) 929-7122

In Wake County, victims of domestic violence are encouraged to contact InterAct of Wake County as follows:

(919) 828-7740 or toll free (866) 291-0855